If you follow me on social media (if you don’t, I think you should) you may have noticed me talking about a weekend away Nathan and I are going on. That’s right. Just Nathan and I. Without Oliver. This will be the first time we’ve been abroad without Oliver and I must say I’m excited…. And nervous. We’ve spent nights away without him but never more than one night at a time. This time we’ll be spending 3 days away from him. We’ll be in the Netherlands and Oliver will be spending the weekend with each set of his Grandparents. I know he’ll be in very good hands, but I can’t help but feel guilty. Mum guilt sucks.
Mum Guilt Is The Worst
Nathan wanted to treat me to a weekend away for my birthday. For those of you who know me will know my birthday isn’t until June BUT it was much cheaper to go sooner. We ended up booking a last minute weekend away. As exciting as it should be I can’t help but feel guilty. Did we book it too close? Should we have booked it a long way in advance to prepare him? At least if we had booked it for June we’d have months to prepare him (and me) for what was going to happen. If I’m honest, Oliver will probably cope better than I will!
Every single day I wake up to this gorgeous smiley boy who I love dearly. When he see’s me smile back at him his smile grows bigger. Knowing we aren’t going to have this for a few days breaks my heart. I feel so bad that we’re not going to be there when he wakes up, has his meals, wakes up from his nap and when he goes to bed. He’s still at an age where he probably won’t quite understand what’s going on and he won’t know when we’ll be coming back. This makes me feel so guilty. I even feel guilty for being excited!
I Need This Weekend
The thing is, I really need this weekend away. Lately I’ve felt so deflated. I love Oliver to bits and I wouldn’t have my life any other way, but I need some time to relax and find myself again. Recently I’ve just felt like I’m only ‘mummy’. Every parent deserves to have some time to themselves.
I rarely throw out controversial opinions on this blog, but I don’t agree with anyone who says parents shouldn’t let others look after their child. Every parent needs to have some time to themselves. As long as your child is left with someone who you trust and your child feels comfortable with, I personally think it’s fine. Anyway, I digress.
I’m looking forward to having this time away with Nathan. I’m looking forward to being able to wake up whatever time we want. I’m looking forward to not having to carry a huge changing bag around with me. I’m looking forward to having fun not as ‘mummy’.
I just can’t help but feel guilty for this.
It’s only a weekend
At the end of the day in years to come Oliver won’t even remember this weekend. This won’t even be the last time this happens! The unfortunate thing about Mum guilt is that it’s very much in the moment. I feel guilty now and I’ll feel incredibly guilty when we’re away, but when we’re back that guilt will disappear. I need to find the balance between feeling guilty but also having fun whilst we’re gone. If anyone has any tips on this I’d love to hear them!
Mum guilt is a b*tch. It happens with so many aspects of being a parent and it’s SO hard to shake off. It’s just one of those things I guess?