I’ll just cut right to the chase – there are some things you shouldn’t say to a mother. Some are obvious, but some aren’t so obvious. I know friends and family only mean well but sometimes there just isn’t the right time to say some things to a mother, especially a new mother.
I’ll admit, a lot of the time I hate these comments because I’m tired or exhausted, which makes me grumpy, but I’m sure I’m not the only mother in the world who hates hearing some of these comments.
1. You’re looking tired..
Just why? Why even ask this question? Of course I’m tired! Kids don’t like to make it easy for parents at night time. It’s like it’s fun to wake up during the night for a play. To top that off, I’ve been running around after a toddler who thinks it’s funny to dive through cupboards and pull all of the books and DVD’s onto the floor.
2. Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?
Now we were very lucky that Oliver slept through the night quite early, but I know it’s not that simple for others. Of course he does like to wake up during the night so he can join us in bed, which basically means my sleep has finished! Just don’t ask this question unless you already know the answer is YES.
3. My baby was doing that at XX age!
Ughhh now this is my least favourite. Don’t ever say this one to me. I’m already anxious that Oliver isn’t doing things the speed he should be doing them (even though everything online says he’s fine). It’s not a race. All babies do things at different times! Please don’t make this parenting thing a competition.
4. Just wait until you have another!
This isn’t something I need to hear/know yet. Just don’t even go there.
5. How’s your weight loss going?
FINE THANKS (Whilst eating a big bag of crisps and having a sharing chocolate bar and Coke waiting just for me). In all seriousness, there is so much pressure put on mothers to lose the baby weight and I hate it. Let us just go at our own speed!
6. Just sleep when the baby sleeps.
Gosh I remember hearing this before I gave birth and I thought ‘Yeah. That’ll be easy’. IT IS NOT THAT EASY. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dosed off to be woken up by Oliver 10mins later. Plus, the house work would never get done.
7. But you spend so much time at home…?
Oh man the amount of time I heard someone say ‘But you’re a stay at home mother, it must be easy staying at home so much?’. It really isn’t as easy as sitting on the sofa letting your child angelically play on the floor all day.
8. Why aren’t you breastfeeding?
Some Mums just can’t breastfeed. That’s a fact. If a mother isn’t breastfeeding accept that decision and move on. There may be a serious reason behind why they aren’t breastfeeding. If you’d like to read my breastfeeding story you can find it here.
9. He doesn’t look like you…
I heard this one a lot when Oliver was born. He was the spitting image of his father. I know this is usually the way it goes, they either look like one parent or the other. There’s just something heart breaking about hearing those words.
10. Ohh he/she is quite big/small!
All babies come out different shapes and sizes. It’s not one size fits all. I heard ‘He’s quite a chunky monkey’ a lot, and I know it wasn’t meant to come across mean but it’s just a nicer way of saying you’re baby looks fat. This’ll put so many anxious thoughts into the mothers head, so just leave this one out.
I can honestly say from my own experience that being a first time mother is one of the most terrifying and anxious moments of my life. Just the slightest ‘light-hearted’ comment can really set my mind off. What comments have really set you off? Do you agree with any of the above, or is it just me…?